mj

Fuck you, Fuck Air Jordans, Fuck Hanes, Fuck Nikes, Fuck McDonalds…

Sons of bitches. Rilin’ me up. Assholes.

So I’m watching MSG and on comes Fans Most Wanted: Knicks Rivalries of the 90’s.

They start out with the epic wars between my Knicks and the motherfucking Miami Heat. We beat them more than those assholes (sorry Greenie) beat us, but danged if I still don’t get upset watching motherfucking asshole homophobe Tim Hardaway drilling three pointers against us in the 1997 Eastern Conference Semifinals Game 7. Still, we won the next 3 years, all in the final game possible, all on the Miami home court, so I guess I’m okay.

Then they go into the feud with the Indiana Pacers. We beat them in 1993, 1994, and 1999, and those shitheads beat us in 1995, 1998, and 2000. Twice we beat them to go to the NBA Finals, and they beat us only once to go there. Sooo, advantage: Knicks. That being said, I fucking hate Reggie Miller. I hate his stupid fucked up teeth. I hate his ugly ass shot. I hate his stupid ears. I hate that he weighs 89 pounds. I hate how much trash he talks. I hate him like Soulja Boy hates not sucking.

Finally, they go into the Knicks vs Bulls rivalry. *sigh* Gotta admit, we took a bunch of L’s on that one. Heck, we took more L’s than the tour bus on the Redman and Method Man tour. Sure, we had some good regular season wins (Ewing-lead blowout in 1996, Allan Houston-lead blowout in 1997) and one epic playoff win in the Eastern Conference Semifinals in 1994, but we also got spanked by those fucking shit-ingesting penis guzzlers in 1991, 1992, 1993, and 1996. I mean, we didn’t even go against them in the playoffs after that 1996 season, but looking back on it it’s still like we lost.

That brings me to Michael the fuck Jordan.

That asshole infuriates me to no end. The Jordan-Rule calls. The overpriced and overrated shoes. The stans. The fairweather fans. His legendary dickishness on the court. The omni-presence on Madison Avenue. *barf* Granted, those McDonald’s commercial with Larry Bird (”off the bleachers, off the backboard, nothing but net.”). Matter ‘fact, the only thing I don’t hate about him is SpaceJam, because that movie was 8 shades of awesome, and the soundtrack was legen…

…wait for it…

 …dary!

Anyway, Fuck Michael Jordan with an oversized novelty cigar. Fuck Michael Jordan and his 55 point game and his baseball dalliance and gambling addiction and his penchant for white girls and his stint with the Wizards… Well, not the stint with the Wizards. He got what he deserved: Tarnished reputation, ugly jerseys, zero playoff appearances.

Fuck Michael Jordan with a burning pine cone for destroying the dreams us Knicks fans had over and over again. Fuck Michael Jordan with an influenza-ridden number 2 pencil for those non-calls in Game 5 of the 1993 Eastern Conference Finals. CHARLES SMITH WAS FOULED LIKE TWICE, MOTHERFUCKERS! As far as I’m concerned, the 4 Point Play controversial call was totally fucking justified back in Game 3 of the 1999 Eastern Conference Semis.

The league owed us after that Jordan bullshit.

So, lastly, Fuck Michael Jordan with a shop-vac’s hose until he’s right up to the canister. Turn that fucker on in reverse and blow dirty air right up his ass, and then kick him in the juevos for funsies. I don’t give a shit about MJ, his shoes, his stans, or whatever.

No homo, of course.

***

Call Reynolds, Cuz it’s a Wrap.

Alright kids, that’s it for today. I don’t even know if it was my turn to post or not, but I had to get that off my chest. Oh, but just for the record? I hate Tim Duncan even more than I hate MJ.

 Just so you guys know, my younger brother is flying in from San Diego on Thursday, soooo my posting over the next 2 weeks plus is gonna be sporadic. I’ll try to contribute, but I won’t make any promises.

As always, comments, critiques, questions, and even more horrible ways to violate Michael Jordan’s anal cavity can be left below in the Dr. Donda West Memorial Comments Section.

Thanks for checking in,

–Rey.I.Is